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The Most Important Information You Will Ever Learn..

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Absolutely hilarious!  I needed good laugh so thougt I would pass this along to my Texas fans!

Author unknown – (probably for a good reason!)

Actual letter from someone who ranches, writes well, and tried this:

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up– 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer — no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn’t want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder – a little trap I had set before hand…kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when … I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head–almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal –like a horse –strikes at you with their hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work.. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds.

All these events are true so help me God…

An Educated Rancher

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SAN FRANCISCO–The iPad looks to be a well-received device, if the lines at Apple stores on Saturday are any indication. Hundreds lined up in New York City and San Francisco stores early Saturday morning. But unlike in the case of past Apple launch events for the iPhone, it wasn’t quite the frenzy we’re used to. Although there were video cameras galore, reporters aplenty, and a palpable buzz, the launch didn’t generate the near-hysteria that surrounded the first iPhone, or even the iPhone 3G. It was, however, clear that many people who choose to stand in line have done this before.

 You can tell by the way they pose with the iPad upon exiting the store, wear slogans on their shirts that promote their game company or their friend’s new app, or linger after they emerge from the store for interviews, which plenty of outlets–CNET included!–were happy to oblige. There is now, it seems, such a thing as a veteran Apple line waiter.

 That doesn’t mean they’re not enthusiastic or excited about the iPad, quite the opposite. But those who stood in line Saturday morning didn’t have to do that: Apple introduced the option last month to have the iPad shipped directly to your home starting Saturday–for free. So the people who showed up did so because “FedEx is for the weak,” as one man joked, or because they have fun standing in line with fellow Apple fans, or because they know they can get on camera–or mentioned in a blog.

 There are now the usual suspects who come out for high-profile Apple product launches, which stretch back to the original iPhone in June 2007. Greg Packer, who camped out for four days in front of the New York City Fifth Avenue Apple Store for the iPad is a well-known “line sitter,” who spends time appearing first at public events in hopes he will be interviewed.

 Robert Scoble emerges from the Apple Store in Palo Alto, Calif., with iPad in hand. He waited in line overnight to be first.

 Among those who queued up at the Palo Alto Apple Store was technology blogger Robert Scoble. Scoble camped out overnight to ensure he was the first to walk in and out of the store with an iPad in hand, waiting almost 24 hours. He’s also a veteran of iPhone launches past. In return for his patience, Scoble was rewarded with interviews from a slew of media outlets and featured in the all-important “first person walking out of the store with an iPad” shot that will no doubt be on the front of newspapers come Sunday morning–and here at CNET and other blogs on Saturday.

 In San Francisco, Dale Larson, who’s been at every iPhone launch wasn’t first in line for a change and didn’t bring a tent (his new fiancee put the kibosh on that). But he had a chair and was wearing a suit, same as in years past.

 Emerging from the store early on clutching an iPad was sure to get the flashbulbs popping at you. Some enterprising young men came out, unboxed their iPads immediately and began doing demonstrations for the crowd of cameras.

 Some bystanders watched in stunned amazement as a young blonde woman exited the San Francisco Apple Store on Stockton Street, started jumping up and down, dancing, and shouting, “I got my iPad! I got my iPad!” over and over. After 30 seconds she paused and said, “Sorry guys, that’s all I got for you.” Her name is Justine Ezarik–or iJustine–and she’s no stranger to the cameras as a self-described video blogger and “Apple geek.”

 The media attention of Apple launch events brings out the marketers who want publicity for their new applications.

Tracy Kahney brought her son, Lyle, dressed up in a homemade iPad costume. It’s a repeat of a similar thing they did at the iPhone launch in San Francisco two years ago, she said. That’s not to say every line veteran is there for the attention. It’s obvious there’s a sense of fun and camaraderie in hanging out together while waiting and hoping to be one of the first people to play with such an anticipated device. People like Garrett Lenoir, who ducked away quietly, came for the experience. Lenoir has been in line for every iPhone and has attended every MacWorld since 1985. “Those are my geek credentials,” he said.

 Apple has also learned a thing or two about keeping fans waiting in line happy. The company has obviously embraced line waiters and works to make it an experience for those who bother to camp out to be first to buy. The retail store staff functioned like a well-oiled machine at the San Francisco store. Blue-shirted employees distributed coffee, Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and water bottles to customers in line. Each person entering the store was greeted personally with a handshake and introduction and escorted inside. Upon leaving with their new Apple device, each customer got a round of applause from a receiving line of yet more blue-clad employees. When it became clear that those who hadn’t made a reservation might not walk away with a device Saturday, employees made sure to tell those waiting in line what their chances were.

 Of course, this was the first time in line at an Apple event for some people. Matt Galligan, CEO of SimpleGeo, an online database of geolocation data that powers several iPhone applications, just couldn’t wait. He had preordered the 3G version, which doesn’t come out for a few weeks, but wanted one sooner than that.

 “I really, really want the iPad,” he said. “So I’ll get this one and give it to my brother when the 3G version arrives.”

 And the payoff for showing up to the event isn’t just 15 seconds of fame and the bragging rights of becoming the first to own a new gadget. One young man left the San Francisco store with an iPad slung over his shoulder and greeted a friend waiting for him outside with a huge grin: “I just met Jonny Ive! Yessssss.”

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When you can see your breath fog up the inside of the windshield and a forgotten water bottle is frozen solid in the backseat, is it still acceptable to order the iced coffee when you hit the drive-thru?

The teenager who made my coffee shivered slightly as the folding window opened and he handed me a medium iced coffee — the condensation on the side frozen in place instead of running towards the base.

His mouth said, “Have a great day,” while the slight tilt of his head said: “Really, mister? You sure you want to do this?” (In my head, all teenagers speak in the formal language of a 1950s sitcom.) I quickly shut my window to avoid letting more of the cold into the car — I am not a sadist — and gave him a slight nod to assure him I was of sound mind. 

These are the days that try an iced coffee drinker’s soul. When I come in from shoveling out my driveway and then choose to cool off with a perfectly mixed glass of iced coffee, I have to wonder whether it’s the drink or just stubborn adherence to the way I learned to truly love coffee. 

I’ll admit there are times when hot coffee is appropriate: at the end of a leisurely or filling meal; when cold coffee or concentrate is unavailable; at someone else’s home; to throw in the event of a convenience store robbery attempt. However, given my druthers, I’m opting for ice cubes made of coffee, a cold pour of coffee and a splash of Shatto milk.

And the coffee shops that still have cold coffee waiting when I ask — One More Cup and Coffee Girls in Waldo, Latte Land on State Line,  downtown — are complicit. I suspect they recognize that iced coffee may be an improvement on hot coffee.

As for the rest of you, I understand that you’re merely taking a different approach to get to the same goal, even though that hot coffee burns your tongue and riles up your stomach on a Monday morning.

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A Mokk-a Kind of Christmas

A real Dutch Santa!

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house

The smell of fresh coffee from Mokk-a, of course.

 

The presents are ready, the tree is ablaze

Now what to do for Santa as he sails through the maze?

 

A nice Café Svenska to warm his cold toes

Then maybe an Italia to sooth his Christmas Woes.

And follow with France just to finish the mood.

Santa will love you before his morning snooze!

 

Green pine trees, cold mountains, warm atmospheres. 

Mokk-a’s Café Svenska gives Santa good cheer!

 

Excellent style, vibrant passion, warm sunny days.

Add Café Italia to all holidays!

 

And then there is France, an amazing country it is.

Beautiful landscapes, amazing kitchens, famous artists…that’s it!

 

So think Mokk-a for Christmas and Thanksgiving whims!

The perfect collection for family and friends!!

 Poem by Karen Glavimans (of course!)

www.mokk-a.com

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Ok, I could not resist this one…..

Shockingly, no major studies have been conducted on this topic. “The implications are, however, profound,” says Michael Raupp, an entomologist at the University of Maryland. “Reckless flying, passing out in frosty beer mugs, hitting on crane flies instead of mosquito babes. Frightening!” Fortunately, enough related research exists to make an educated guess.

First, does alcohol affect a mosquito’s simple nervous system the way it does creatures with complex brains, such as dogs or Mickey Rourke? In labs, honeybees fly upside-down after alcohol exposure, and inebriated fruit flies have trouble staying upright and fare poorly on learning tests. This suggests that mosquitoes can get tipsy.

 Now, how much alcohol does it take to get them schnockered? Scientists routinely puff ethanol vapors at insects and measure their sensitivity with devices called inebriometers. Bugs are no lightweights, often withstanding vapor concentrations of 60 percent alcohol, far more than what’s in our blood after a couple beers. “Someone who’s had 10 drinks might have a blood alcohol content of 0.2 percent,” says entomologist Coby Schal of North Carolina State University. To a mosquito, a blood meal that contains 0.2 percent alcohol is like drinking a beer diluted 25-fold.

Skeeters might have developed this Ruthian ability to hold their liquor through diet. They also feed on fermenting fruit and plants, which contain at least 1 percent alcohol and might have boosted their tolerance. And in a mosquito, alcohol (and any fluid other than blood) is diverted to a “holding pouch,” where enzymes break it down before it hits the nervous system.

Before you try to drink a mosquito under the table, heed this warning from Michael Reiskind, an entomologist at Oklahoma State University: The blood alcohol levels required to do so would almost certainly kill you as well.

www.mokk-a.com

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